Two Shades of Grey

venusmilo2Here are two advance reviews of a movie with no advance screening. On February 14th, reactions to the most anticipated movie of 2015, Fifty Shades of Grey, will be so personal that I have supplied you with two generic reviews, one positive and one negative. In two months and one week, it will be your choice as to which one you want to go with.

Positive Review:

At its very core, nudity defines our humanity and all that goes with it. It is a raw type of honesty captured in masterpieces–Venus de Milo, Michelangelo’s David, Gone Girl. In a year of film that gives us characters as naked as they are clothed, comes a movie that, like all true art, challenges us to accept who we are.

I am talking about 50 Shades of Grey.

While watching this groundbreaking film we become the characters like we have never done so before. We let our bodies be washed over by the same sensations we recognize in Bella and Boyd as they revel in each other. (The characters defy names.). We tense as Boyd tenses, we gasp when Bella gasps. The electricity is not just between them, it is between us and the screen, between us and our dates, between us and the other audience members. It is the bond that makes us human. And it is very, very strong.

Through this experience, we learn to look inside the mirrors of our minds and accept our bodies they way we wish they were.

The title, 50 Shades of Grey, is deceiving. There are no shades to this film. It is one transparent hue. It shows us who we were when we entered the movie theater, who we are as we witness its art, and who we hope to be when we leave the theater.

No movie review is complete without a spoiler and so here is one for you: the “shades of grey” in the title is a double entendre. Grey is the last name of Michael (name-defying character), but the shades are of the color gray in the air, where the movie takes place: Seattle. Nothing says “stay inside” more than a late-fall, winter or early-spring dreary, gray day in Seattle.

picasso GIRL BEFORE A MIRROR _thumbNegative Review:

“The Emperor wears no clothes!” the little boy cried. 50 Shades of Grey is pure unadulterated  porn that conforms to ratings standards.


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